I think most of us agree that men and women are wired differently. We don’t need subject matter experts to tell us that. We know that because the reality of it plays itself out in our daily living.
Husbands, have you ever joined your wife as she went shopping for clothes for herself? After a couple of hours have passed with nothting to show for it, you probably wondered what’s taking this so long? The reason the shopping experience seemed so long to you is because you viewed it through the lens of your personal shopping habits. Generally speaking, it does not take husbands as long to shop for their clothes.
What about this one? You have been working all day. You come home exhausted, say a few words to your wife, and slump in a chair to relax. By contrast, when your wife comes home from work, she gives you an exhaustive report of her entire day in the office. She gets so detailed, telling you far more than you want or need to know.
Perhaps those two examples don’t jibe with your observations of how men and women differ. But they came about because of conversations I have had with other husbands and men. These are just a couple of examples I used to underscore the fact that God has wired husbands and wives differently.
Nonetheless, God wants husbands and wives to maximize living together as one. To that end, let me share some instructions he gives to the husbands in His Word:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7, KJV
Loving Her the Way She Is
According to the verse above, husbands, you should not be clueless as to how to live with your wife—no matter how differently she may be wired from the way you are. I know this can be challenging. My wife and I have been married for over 45 years.
Husbands, each of our wives is different. Yes, some general differences exist between men and women. But even more significantly, each of our wives has her own set of peculiarities. Some of these are the result of the home environment they came up in. Others have to do with the “baggage” they acquired before marriage and have brought into your marriage, etc. But whatever all this means to us, with respect to the woman we are married to, God wants us to learn to successfully live together.
Now let me make sure we get the point. Men, we all get to know our wife better over time. But that does not necessarily mean we live with them accordingly. The point is that we may not like the picture we are seeing. The more we get to know our wife, the less she may seem to be who we thought she was.
The question is, how shall we then respond?
Perhaps you will go about trying to help (or make) your wife become the person you want her to be. You will ignore all you have learned about her, her vulnerabilities, and peculiarities. And you will disregard the fact that you are pushing buttons that you have come to know you should not push.
But while you are so passionately trying to make your wife the person you want her to be, “News Flash!” God has not called you to that futile mission. But to learn how to live with her in an understanding way. Believe me, husbands, you will have far more success living with your wife if you fully respect the unique person she is. That’s what dwelling with her according to knowledge is all about.
Copyright © 2023 by Frank King. All rights reserved.